Julie Morgavi Therapy
Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapy in Tarzana, CA
The Cost of Becoming Someone You Were Never Wired to Be
What if some of the things you've spent your life criticizing yourself for aren't character flaws, but differences you've never been taught to understand?
Maybe you've spent decades trying to be less sensitive, more organized, more socially intuitive, less intense, less overwhelmed.
Trying harder. Apologizing. Promising yourself you'll do better next time.
And somehow, you keep coming up short.
Eventually, you stop questioning the expectations and start questioning yourself.
What's wrong with me?
But what if that's been the wrong question all along?
In my work, I often explore the tension between attachment and authenticity—our need to belong and our need to be ourselves.
But for some neurodivergent children, that conflict goes deeper.
What if the person you're expected to be is someone your nervous system simply cannot be?
Not someone you don't want to be. Someone you cannot be, no matter how desperately you try.
And when you're a child, you may not have the language to say:
My brain processes this differently. My sensory system is overwhelmed. I can't regulate the way you're asking me to.
Instead, you conclude:
I'm difficult. I'm lazy. I'm too sensitive. I'm disappointing everyone. Something is wrong with me.
When those experiences repeat, they can become more than criticism.
They can become the foundation of identity.
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When the Mask Becomes the Person
Masking is often described as hiding neurodivergent traits to fit in. But that description barely scratches the surface.
You learn to conceal needs and differences that seem unacceptable, sometimes at enormous psychological cost.
And sometimes it works just well enough that nobody recognizes how hard you're trying.
The adults see compliance, achievement or apparent competence. They may not see the exhaustion, anxiety or collapse afterward.
Here's the painful paradox:
The better a child becomes at hiding their difficulties, the less likely those difficulties may be recognized—and the more they're expected to keep functioning in ways that are unsustainable.
Eventually, adapting to others' expectations can become so automatic that you lose access to your own experience of yourself.
Not just I don't feel safe being myself.
But I don't even know who that self is anymore.
When the Cost of Fitting In Becomes Too High
There's an unease that can come from living so far outside your own nature that you barely recognize what feels right for you anymore.
Even when those adaptations have helped you succeed, constantly overriding your needs, suppressing your responses and trying to meet expectations that don't fit is exhausting.
And eventually, something's gotta give.
Sometimes what gives is your emotional well-being.
Anxiety. Depression. Burnout. Chronic self-doubt. A persistent sense that no matter how hard you try, you're somehow failing at being a person.
Not because neurodivergence inevitably causes these symptoms, but because prolonged self-monitoring, misattunement and shame can take a psychological toll.
And often, the person doesn't recognize the connection.
They just know they're anxious. Or depressed. Or exhausted. Or increasingly unable to keep doing what they've always done.
And that's when I get the call.
Late Diagnosis: An Excavation of Identity
I see this in adults who discover later in life that they have ADHD, autism or both.
Recognition can bring a whole cascade of emotions.
Suddenly, you're looking through the rearview mirror of your life with a different lens.
And a question emerges:
If so much of who I've become was shaped by trying to be someone I was never wired to be, who am I when I stop trying?
The goal isn't to replace I'm defective with I'm nothing but my diagnosis.
It's to understand your adaptations, recognize your needs and discover which parts of yourself feel genuinely your own.
Neurodivergence doesn't inherently cause developmental trauma. But repeated invalidation, punishment for disability-related needs or pressure to function without support can leave lasting wounds.
And those wounds don't necessarily disappear when we reach adulthood.
When Your Brain Is Mistaken for Your Character
The misunderstandings don't necessarily stop when we leave childhood.
They can follow us into relationships with siblings, friends, coworkers, employers and romantic partners.
Neurological differences show up in how we communicate, manage time, process emotions, navigate expectations and respond to the world around us.
And other people assign meaning to what they see.
ADHD-related difficulties with time or memory can look like selfishness or disrespect.
An autistic need for predictability can look like control.
Differences in reading emotional cues can be mistaken for indifference.
A strong need for fairness may sound argumentative when the person is seeking consistency and safety.
Suddenly, a missed deadline becomes You're irresponsible.
A forgotten birthday becomes You don't care about me.
A need for routine becomes Everything has to be your way.
The way my brain works is being interpreted as evidence of who I am—and how much I care.
The behavior may be real. The impact may be painful.
But the meaning assigned to it may not reflect the person's intentions.
And for someone who grew up being criticized for neurological differences, these experiences can feel painfully familiar.
The teacher who called you lazy becomes the boss who questions your commitment.
The parent who called you selfish becomes the friend who thinks you're inconsiderate.
And the romantic partner experiences your differences as evidence that you don't love them enough.
Because the present conflict is rarely just about the present conflict.
And now Shame enters the chat.
How Can Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapy Help?
My approach draws on attachment-based, trauma-informed and relational psychotherapy to explore the emotional consequences of growing up or living in a world that may not have understood how your brain works.
We may address anxiety, depression, masking, burnout, shame, identity confusion following a late diagnosis, sensory overwhelm, executive-function challenges or recurring relationship conflict.
Sometimes the work involves practical accommodations. Sometimes grief, self-understanding or communication. Sometimes the developmental wounds left by years of feeling defective.
In relationships, we can work toward understanding differences without assigning blame, developing practical accommodations and recognizing that compassion and accountability aren't mutually exclusive.
Understanding neurological differences doesn't mean dismissing their impact or asking anyone to tolerate chronic harm.
You can't solve a neurological difference by treating it as a character defect.
And you can't build healthy relationships by pretending differences eliminate responsibility.
I don't approach neurodivergence as something to cure. Nor do I assume every difficulty is explained by ADHD or autism.
Is a formal diagnosis required to begin therapy? No. When diagnostic clarification is needed, we can discuss referral for an appropriate assessment.
Maybe You've Made More Sense Than You Realize
I've come to believe that people make far more sense than they realize.
Perhaps what others called laziness was an executive-function struggle nobody recognized.
Perhaps your need for order was an attempt to create predictability in an overwhelming world.
Perhaps the mask that helped you belong became so convincing that even you forgot you were wearing it.
I offer neurodiversity-affirming therapy for adults and couples in Tarzana, California, and online throughout California.
Not to make you more like everyone else.
But to help you build a life and relationships that make room for who you actually are.
